a long afternoon

Here I sit. Disappointed. Hurt. Upset. And wondering. Wondering why. I had a job interview yesterday. It was for a job that I'd applied for 18 months ago and was turned down. It had come back open and this time I was determined. After two grueling weeks of pre-interview after pre-interview. It came down to 4. 3 other couples, and us. Yesterday was our final interview. Everything was right on. We'd sailed through all the other interviews. The girls that worked there really liked me and told me they'd told their boss that. Everything was going perfect. We prayed and headed to the interview. It was going great. A few things we'd had questionable looks on, but nothing so big that I didn't think we wouldnt' get the job. I was supposed to know by noon today. Noon rolled around. No call. One-o-clock - no call. Finally I call them at two. Talked to the girl that I really liked the most and unfortunatly for both of us, she had to deliver the bad news. They'd gone with someone else. And she didn't know why. She was upset that it hadn't been me. I was definatly upset that it hadn't been me. But why? Everything had gone so well. Finally this afternoon the boss called and we talked. While I didn't like the answer (same excuse he gave me last time) I told him that I understood his situation and that while I didnt' agree with it, I did respect his decision.

Mad. I was mad. Why put me through all that again, an even more pressured process than before, to give me the same line again? We'd prayed about it. This was it. Or so it felt. Feels. I couldn't even get the words out to Scott, but he knew through my tears. This would have been huge for us. I feel like a fish from whom the baits been snatched. So I went to be alone. I turned on the radio and God met me in the state I was in. Right there, sitting in front of the stereo, feeling as if I couldn't get any lower. The song, "Cry Out To Jesus" came on. That's just like you sweet Abba Father. And I did. I cried. And cried some more. And I still haven't really stopped. I had promised myself I wouldnt' get my hopes up this time, but I did. The more hurdles we passed the better I felt about getting the job. My hopes were soaring. And just like that, not.

But in all of this, one thing is constant. One thing soars, and never comes down. He loves me. He loves me girls. Tonight I'll be resting in Him. I'm not going to worry about the why. I can't change it. I'm not going to worry about not getting the job, I can't change the decision. So I'm not going to bring myself down, or beat myself up. It really didn't have anything to do with me.

He loves me. And girls - THAT is it!

Awaken - Natalie Grant (Curb Records) video for Ignite!

this video goes with my blog below.

wake me up!

Have you ever felt like you just need to be shaken? Woken up from a deep sleep? Jolted into a reality that's REAL?? Today we studied Psalm 139. Powerful words. The ones that hit me this morning were verses 23 & 24. I've always imagined David on a high rock standing with his arms stretched to the Heavens pleading for God to:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting."

Emphasis is mine. Can you see it girls? Can you see David, arms reaching as far as he can reach them. Saying to our Lord, "come to me! Search me! Show me my sin!". I wonder if he added, "take my sin! fill me with YOU! Come Lord, come to me! YOU are all I want!". I think I may be projecting the cry of my heart onto David. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a haze and I just need someone to shake me and say WAKE UP! (Of course if it's my hubby he'll add "you're snoring!") But David, he wasn't just asking God to show him his sin, he was asking him to point it out. Ouch. I know I have sins that I'd like to bury and never have to deal with. I think we all know though, sooner or later it comes out and must be dealt with in one way or another. It's almost like David is asking God to perform surgery. Take OUT what's bad and replace it with YOU Lord! Here's a question from my concordance that really got me thinking on the way home from church. How are we to recognize sin, UNLESS God points it out? But here's is the BEST part of these verses. Once we ask God to point out our sins, we are then given the opportunity to repent of them and turn our lives back to God. I think that is what David was doing. He wanted to be in God's "way everlasting" and knew the only way to get there was for God to point out what was tripping him up. God's word tells us that we CAN repent of our sins and we WILL be forgiven. Hallelujah for that Sisters! Let me ask you a deep question - you don't have to tell me your answer, but don't hide it from God - are you stumbling? Do you need to be woken up? Is there something in your way, just out of reach, that keeps you from walking with God the way He's called you to? Can you identify what it is? If not, make Psalm 139:23-24 your prayer. Ask God to search your heart and your thoughts and to reveal your sin to you. When you do, He will answer. It may hurt. It may even shock you. (sometimes even though we're doing "good" things, if it's out of Gods will, it can still be a sin) But above all, it will wake you up. The next step? Repent of the sins God reveals to you, and repent also of the ones ever present before you. Then you will achieve the cry of David's heart. You will be in God's "way everlasting". And girls, that's a good place to be! Natalie Grant is one of my favorite vocalists and her song "Awaken" has become a prayer from myself to my Lord. I've posted it above and I hope it speaks to you as much as it has spoken to me. Awaken me Father!

O sweet sweet Lord. I sometimes feel like I don't even know where to begin. You know my heart is heavy. You know what burdens my thoughts. You know what keeps me restless. And I guess that is where I begin. You Know. You are Ominscient. You know all. Search me Lord. Search my thoughts, search my heart. Find in me my inquities and show them to me. My desire is to become more like Christ and I don't want anything in the way of that. I want to know you. My hearts desire is that I might know you more. I want to be in your way everlasting. Search me Father. Search me. Awaken me.

gone

Well goodness ladies. I feel like I have been gone forever! So much has happened in such a short time that it just feels like longer I guess. Let's see... David got a tummy virus at school, no fun. I've been running around town doing some stuff that I think is about to pay off. (don't wanna blog about it just yet, but I'll let you know soon!) And we're gearing up for our new semester of Childrens Choir. We start tonight and I'm a bundle of nerves! I love my kiddos and I know they're excited so that makes it easier. I am allready missing 2 of my "stars" which makes it hard, but we'll manage. I'm so excited about our program and I really hope the kids are too. If not, well it's ordered, they'll learn to love it. LOL! Nah, I think they'll be just as excited as I am.

Goodness, it starts tonight! ACK! I can't wait to get in that room and start praising and celebrating the the kiddos I love most! You can bet we'll be lifting Him up high tonight while we learn our opening song. :)

On a different note gals... I've got something brewing over here. God is mysterious at times and it's driving me crazy! He's got something up His sleeve and I'm almost there, I can feel it. But it's just a *bit* out of my reach. I've got something on my heart. Something BIG and I can feel that He's just about to give it to me and I feel like a kid on Christmas morning going, "can I open it NOW??? Can I open it NOW???". It's an exciting, crazy, nervous time to be me right now. Please pray that I will be patient enough for the answer to come in His time. I don't want to spoil the surprise! I know how He likes to keep us on our toes sometimes! And please pray that the situation will unfold not to the cry of my heart, but to His will. (lol, and please pray that His will and my heart match up!)

I love you girls and will let you in on everything very very soon!! Thank you for praying for me!

Hillsong Music - For Who You Are

One more for tonight. I hope these praise songs touch you the way they have me. God is awesome, holy, righteous and ALWAYS faithful to the end! Amen and AMEN! Let's worship Him for who He is, sweet sweet Siestas!

hear our praises

Feeling the spirit pour out... turn up the volume, raise your hands, and praise Got the Almighty. He is awesome girls, just awesome!

LPL BLOG

Oh girls!!! We've GOT to go!