Monday, March 8, 2010

bullet points

* I am tired. Very tired. I need sleep. It's only 9:30, sigh.
* We are no longer at Trinity - I have not shared my emotions about that. That is not like me.
* I've endured gossip, lies, and guilt trips over the past few months. I have still kept silent. Again - not like me.
* I want to talk about it. I can't bring myself to. I was asked not to by someone I respect a great deal and so I've not dealt with it verbally. This I have come to realize also means I have not dealt with it emotionally.
* Saying goodbye didn't happen. I thought that was okay. I missed saying goodbye to the one person I really wanted to talk to. I've now realized that's okay.
* I'm going through a plethora of emotions now that I've allowed myself to feel.
* The biggest hurt is the dissapointment. Not with myself.
* The gossip didn't affect me like before. This time I let it roll off. That has been freeing.
* I truly now realize how much I just don't care what others think of our leaving.
* I never really grieved the loss emotionally. I think that is how it was meant to be.
* A huge weight lifted once the final decision was made. It was followed by a cloud of unspoken, unfelt, emotion.
* I vented in my prayer time the other day. That's what woke me up to the clutter within.
* I need to get it all out. I refuse to do that publiclly. The gossip against me was done publiclly. By those I'd thought were better than that. They are the ones who dissapointed me.
* Not sure why/what I'm sharing here. Just trying to unclog the webs...


Francesca said...

I am so sorry. I am sure this feels like a bad divorce. I pray you are healed and reassured that God is good all the time and some (most) of the time people don't represent Jesus accurately. I have been guilty of this too make times. I pray peace that passes all understanding!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the fantastic recipe for brownies... saved it; printed it out; will share it with my younger sister who's a recipe collector like me.

Couldn't help but read your bulleted items... you're hurting... good that you can at least acknowledge that. God puts people in our paths for a reason. I found your blog by just clicking on 'next blog' from a scrapping blog site:

Be well and keep your inner faith.