trying to stage a comeback

Well hello there blogville. I've been gone a while. A long while. I can't promise you anything, but I can tell you that this wanna-be writer is going to try to stage a come-back. I've somehow managed to get some time on my hands since graduation. For those who missed it - I am now a graduate of Liberty University Online. Officially I've graduated though I will still visit the campus in May and walk with my fellow 2012 graduates. I'm told my diploma should arrive at some point in March, unless it's held for mailing until after walking. I'm praying for the earlier date. Something about having the paper in my hands makes it more real. For me and for others. But I'm not worried about the others, lol.

So, since graduation I've found myself with a bit of free time on my hands. I haven't had much to do with it until now. I'm working with our youth group to gain experience for later when God calls us away. At first I felt like that would be right after I graduated but God has settled us in here and I don't feel that urgency anymore. So while we're here and settled in, we might as well serve to the fullest, right? Therefore I'm diving in! Diving into student ministry. Diving into a deeper study of God's Word. Diving into devotions I've put off because "I didn't have time". Diving into my family. Diving into the lives of those God has placed before me. Just diving in.

And yes, that means diving back into writing. Many of you don't know but writing has always been a passion of mine. I don't do it because I feel like I'm no good at it. Like sometimes the words jumble up or sometimes I use them too strangely for anyone to really follow me. But writing here is sort of releasing for me. I can jumble my thoughts here and still "get it" when I read it, and lets face it, blogging is faster than actually writing in by hand, so this is where my thoughts get spilled out. Or was until I didn't have time for it. Hopefully that's going to change :)

So get ready blogville. The crazy, jumbled thought, wanna-be writer is coming back!

Ready or not, here I blog.

confession sometimes takes help

I've been studying this week about confession and the blessings that come with it. Sometimes though our sin is something we may not recognize. We may not know we are sinning or we've repressed the knowledge of the sin so much so that we don't remember, or we need a reminder. In Psalm 139:23-24 David exemplifies a man who so desired to be clean in the sight of God that he asked God to reveal any unconfessed sin.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

David asked God to search for his sin and then to point them out! It's what some call Gods exploratory surgery on our hearts. We need that revelation sometimes because we can blind ourselves to what sin is by masking it with calling it "good". We lie to someone to spare their feelings. We omit truths because they would cause strife. We forget that even our thoughts are monitored by the Spirit. We live a life of comfort outside of Sunday morning services that keeps us from really having a full relationship with God. The sins that we perceive as small and insignificant block God from certain areas of our heart. In these verses David was desperate for God to break down those walls. He asked God to reveal the sin so that he (David) could repent of it so that he could continue in God's "way everlasting". I for one know I have sin in my life that should be weeded out and am challenging myself to seek out God's "exploratory surgery", His pruning, so that I may continue on in His way. What about you? I challenge you to do the same. Seek God and ask Him to reveal to you any unconfessed sin in your life. I guarantee that when you see His revelation, and when you confess before Him, you will feel a freedom unlike most anything you may ever feel. Because, confession is not simply telling God the things you've done wrong - confession allows us to experience God's amazing act of forgiveness and presents us clean and ready to be used by Him for His glory and purpose. Confession frees us from the bondage and guilt of sin and releases us from its power. Be free my friends!

inspiration

So, I have been reading my friend Amanda's blog and I love love love all of her sewing projects! She's pretty talented y'all. She made a darling apron that I just love and sparked the idea that I'd like to make my own cute apron but am wrestling with what fabric to use for it. Well today I popped over and she linked to a really cool page that I'm now adding to my list of must read blogs! And guess what else??? They are doing a giveaway! So go check out the cute aprons (and I mean totally cute!!) at CutiePinwheel, and check out the giveaway too :)

he learned to read

I wasn't afraid of much when we decided to homeschool the boys. I knew it would be difficult and we'd have some pretty awful days that led to my wishing we'd not made this choice. But I also knew we'd have some great days. Days in which the boys would "get it" and we'd be done with time to spare. Days on which we'd just have fun instead of follow the many many charts I made to keep us on target. Breakthrough days in which something we'd been working on forever would come to fruition and understanding. I wasn't afraid, I was ready for the challenge. God led us here, so no matter the difficulty I was ready to get my hands dirty. In all areas but one. I was terrified to teach Daniel to read. I knew I did not know how to teach a child to read and I was so worried that he wouldn't get it. David went to public school until halfway through 1st grade. He learned to read from a really excellent teacher and was reading at a 5th grade level by the end of Kindergarten! See the pressure I put myself under? It was awful! But I knew I'd never get it done by allowing the fear to eat me up interally (because I didn't DARE mention this fear to anyone!) I went straight to the throne of God and poured out the entire fear. I told God about how I didn't want to damage my child's education and how I didn't have the first clue of what to do. I didn't know anything about teaching him to read. Nothing. And I was going to need some supernatural guidance on this one. If God wanted me to teach this child to read, He was going to have to take me by the hand and do it through me. I got up off the floor about an hour later exhausted but less afraid. When I went to check the mail that afternoon, God placed my hand on the answer. It was an advertisement for the Hooked on Phonics Learn to Read progam. Now, yes, I knew this program was out there obviously, but you know how you just know it's God telling you something important? I just knew. God put my hand on His answer. Still slightly timid, I bought the program and began homsechooling Daniel in his Kindergarten year. I am not kidding when I tell you that the boy finished the program by December and was reading those "I can read" books for the rest of the year. Now that we are nearing the end of 1st grade with him, he is reading chapter books and loving them! Here is the part that tells me that I was not the one to teach him to read. Hooked on Phonics is an amazing program to learn how to read - however, it teaches you phonetically. The child does not learn blended sounds or silent letters. Please know I'm not knocking the program - buy it, it works! But Daniel went from reading phonetically written books, to regular books without any additional lessons. He went straight into Harry Potter reading it aloud like he'd just always been a reader and I just didn't know it. The boy can READ y'all. I don't know when the switch flipped, but God really carried this child on His shoulders the whole way. Once I surrendered and let God lead it's like a rocket shot off straight for the reading highway! If only I could do this with more of the fears in my life! How free would I be if I simply poured it out on the thrown of grace and said - if this is to be done right, I need to take the backseat and let God drive for a while? Something to ponder...

debra's photo challenge

So... I'm back! Well, till I'm gone :) No promises on how long this blogging will be kept up, but hey, I'm here now right? Anyway, so my friend Debra started up her photo challenge again and I loves me some fun photo taking opportunities! Problem is, my camera is broken. Please, may we take a moment of silence for Mr. Kodak Easy Share? ...... I broke him and it has bothered me ever-since. I absolutely hate that I was the one to drop him. I NEVER drop stuff like that :(. And so the photographer "wanna-be" in me has been feeling quite lonely these days. Because well.... she who "never" (did I say never???) drops things, dropped her cell phone one too many times and broke that camera as well. Gah. Right after Christmas though we were albe to upgrade my phone to a handy dandy new LG Rumor Touch. It's *almost* too much phone for me, but I'm making do ;). Anyway, it's got a working camera!! (who know for how long cause I've already dropped it more times than I can count! shhhhh!) Sooooo, when Debra posted her challenge I wanted to jump in! Other problem is that we're in the process of moving (loooong story) so I haven't had much time to see many "greens". Then I looked down. Right there on the front of my History of Christianity textbook there is a mint-green steeple. Now how cool is that. So I whipped out said handy dandy Mr. LG and snapped the pic! So here you go, my green for the weekend! :) (it looks a little more minty in person)

i haven't been here in a while

I know. I'm sorry. Life. It happens. Lately it's not been fun. It's been hard. It's kept me on my knees in prayer. It taught me to give up things I can't handle. And it handed me a difficult blow that I will try to explain. For years I have been praying for one thing. More like begging. I've spent my life focusing on the "what if" that "might" happen. I've worked my hopes and dreams around this one thing. I've never wanted anything more. It feels impossible to write the words here. Know they are coming with fresh tears. I'm still working out the No answer that I got last week. What is this thing that has my heart so deeply wrapped? A daughter. (ouch. feels like I just got punched.) I dream about her. I window shop for her. I pray for her. I will not have her. You see, I've gotten very frustrated waiting on God to give me MY answer. Get that? I've been waiting for the answer I wanted. Last Sunday God made it abundantly clear to my head, and my heart, what HIS answer is. And you know what? I already knew it. When my heart heard it, my head already knew it. I just wanted to ignore it. I wasn't taking His no. I guess last week I finally accepted it. God spoke straight to me as if I was the only one in the congregation. He carved out some time that was just Him and I and sat me down like a father talking to His daughter about something she just really needed to understand and accept. It hurt. It still hurts. But I get it. I accept it. Sometimes our desires are not His. Sometimes what I want for myself is not what God has planned for my life. Since last week I have not dreamed of her. I have not spent my days in the "what if" mind-mode. I will not say I have not been sad but my life and heart are moving forward. I will take what God has given me and I will move forward knowing that I am more blessed than I deserve. I wish the answer didn't have to hurt so bad, but that's really the only way I would have heard it. So, now what? I honestly have no idea. God is stirring up something in me but I don't know what it is. In the meantime I will keep going to Him. Because even if He says no sometimes, He still loves me and He's still got an incredible plan for my life. That's what I hold on to.

i blog-stalk

So would you PUH-LEASE update your blog! Lol :) Mamma needs some reading material! I visit blogs when I need a bread from school work. Who do I visit??

Debra - Love her blog because her thoughts are just cool, and she's got some rockin' photo skills!!
Annette - Who wouldn't love Mrs. Annette's blog! It's got everything!
Jenn B - Girl. You are REAL and I love it! I read this blog and feel like I'm sitting across the table from you!
Rachel - I miss you friend! But I love reading your blog and catching up on the goings on with writing. I can't wait to have a copy of your first book on my shelf!
Francesca - Have known Francesca since grade school. Love reading your heart for God. You are inspiring!
Amanda - That button necklace is too cool for words! You are so creative, I love love LOVE seeing your creations!
JoAnn - another blog I read and feel like I'm chatting with a good friend. JoAnn - you are awesome!
JJ Heller - now this girl is just crafty. I love her music, but I think I love her crafty ideas just as much!
Real Hope For Haiti - one of these days God will make a way for me to visit this place in person. Until then, I read and listen to God as He moves my heart for this kids.
Anissa - love love love how you write! I always end up pondering for a good portion of the day after reading something from you!
Melissa N - oh girl. I just love you friend. I love reading your blog. I just love it.

So there ya have it, my reading list :) I love reading about what you all are doing and what God is doing in your lives. I love sharing in praises and prayers, and I love that this crazy thing call Blogspot can connect us in the world of writing! May God bless all of you, and may He press upon you to keep your goofy friend Jen updated!

Until then - read on blog world! :)