Monday, June 25, 2007

moving day

God is stirring my heart so much today that I have spent most of the day feverishly scribbling notes, recording scripture, and crying. I've been on my knees praying more today than I think I ever have. My head hurts, I feel exhausted and spent, and I have so much stuff to go on. I know this might not make sense to much of you, but for those few who know what my head and heart are going through today, thank you for praying for me. God has been moving. Moving my heart. Moving my head. Moving my pen. A year ago He set fire to my passion to write a book. And write I have. Devotion after devotion, God has given me gems from His word, to pass on to others. Where the understanding comes from, I have no idea. Well yes I do. When God gives you something, He doesn't just leave you to it, He molds you through it. Today is no exception. He has been moving mountains in me today. Stones frozen in my heart, He's plucked up. Many wounds have opened and poured down my face. Suddenly not understanding why some things happened is not important anymore. Letting God in to heal those areas means so much more. And the amazing thing that is happening while God is healing, I've been able to reach out and share specific words He's given me for others. They know who they are. I've never had a day like this. I've spent a few hours dizzly soaring through the Bible, scribbling verses to use later. I've been bawling on my face letting God stitch up where my heart ached. I've been out on my patio in the rain, tears streaming down, talking to Him, begging Him for understanding. And now, exhausted and spent, I rest in His arms to be carried through the rest of this movement. I can not tell you why today. I can't even tell you why me. I was not ready for the things God showed me today. I was not worthy to carry the message to a sweet friend today. And most of all, I am not worthy of this new thread from my heart to His. Crying again, He's lifted my head to Him and said in my heart, YES YOU ARE.

I have no idea what is coming next. I'm worried my husband will think I'm a bawling crying mess when he gets home. I worried my friend will think I'm a weirder person than first anticipated. I'm worried most of all I won't do with God's word what He is entrusting me to do. But one thing I do know, I'm here. I'm open. My heart is pounding. My tears are flowing. But I'm here. I'm at His feet ready for the next movement.

Today is moving day.


Leigh Gray said...

please let everyone know when the book is ready - i would love to read it!!