Sunday, December 9, 2007

can't explain it...

So this week I've been letting God speak to my heart. Straight to it. Not holding Him back, not closing off pieces of me, just letting Him in. Som interesting revelations about my life and my future have become clear. Decisions set in stone. While there are still unknown variables, the decision is made. Somehow I was wanting more though. I'm the kind of person that needs good old affirmation once a decision has been made. I need to KNOW it's right. And in this case, I need to know firmly that I am following God. I believe I got that sign today. I volunteer in the nursery every 2nd Sunday. This morning we had us an overflow of babies. Nine babies ya'll. NINE. Anyway, one in particular has an amazing story. It is not mine to share but I can say this, God is all over that baby girl. This was my first week to be with her and as soon as I held her something inside me broke. That is the only way I can describe the amazing emotion that washed over me. I began to cry, and am crying again now. My heart broke and I was instantly in love with this sweet child. God broke down the wall of my fear of not being able to fully love a child that is not my own. Through this sweet child God confirmed in me my decision. While some may think it's unrealistic or just a plain terrible choice, I choose to follow God. I choose to claim His affirmation, and I choose to fully open my heart. We will be researching adoption. I know from where we will adopt, but what I am unsure of is how to get started. If you can help us learn more please send information to scott.rector@att.net If you would like to pray for us, I would most certainly appreciate it. I strongly believe in the power of prayer and I am so ecouraged and stregthened by your prayers. All I can say is that God stirred me deeply this morning, and from that there is no going back. My very soul has been hit and I can not adequately tell you the emotions racing through me. It is both amazing and terrifying. It is awesome.

3 comments:

Bev Brandon said...

thanks so much for the great comments tonight...you are one fantastic photographer...i just love your humble heart open to HIM and where He leads...sounds like HE is doing a deep work whispering to those parts of your soul...just beautiful jen!

Heather said...

We will be praying for you. We are going to go down that road as well one day as I was adopted and want to do the same one day. We will pray as you journey down this road.

Christy said...

We will be praying for you as well as you journey down this road. Take Care and God Bless!!!