blahness

Today I'm feeling rather blah. After having the flu for almost a week, and taking care of two fluish boys for the same week, we're now stuck in the house because we're on the second day of ice ice baby. Yeah, I know, lame. But like I said, I'm feeling blah. :) We will probably get out of the house this afternoon. We've been cooped up for a week and we've all got cabin fever. But I did manage to get my house cleaned today. School is going well. I'm regretting having chosen to take English and Philosophy at the same time. I should have tried a different combination, but hey, I'm making it. Glory to God, I'm making it. Today we did a little "home-school" work because the boys have missed so much school. Including these two weather days, Dano has missed 6 days and David has missed 4. So we sat down for an hour and did some spelling, reading, and math. David was all into it, Daniel kinda tried to wimp out on me after 45 minutes. But we plugged through. Made me feel like we could actually homeschool and it would be okay. I'm still nervous that I wouldn't be patient enough, or that I wouldn't be a good enough teacher. Homeschool is something we pray earnestly about. I feel like it's what God wants, but I have zero confidence in myself as a teacher. I don't want to mess up my children's education. I know several people who homeschool and it works great for them. What is the secret? How does it work so easy? Were you afraid when you took the plunge? What happens if it doesn't work out? How do you know your child will graduate High School? Will all the work you've done at home be negated if you don't use an accredited curriculum? Questions questions. Help me homeschool moms. Help me. Please. I beg of you. I think I'm driving myself crazy here.

So yes, today I'm feeling blah about much. What are you up to today?

stirring a heavy heart

I am full of joy today. But my heart is also heavy. It's an unexplainable feeling. I can't pinpoint why I feel this way, or when it started. I can't make heads or tails of what's happening in my heart. I feel weighed down today. But I'm also full of joy. How can I feel both at once? I feel a joy for the amazing church family I have and how happy I am to see their smiling faces. I'm weighed down with a love for children I've never met. Does that make any sense at all? There is no doubt in me that God wants me to be a children's minister. No reservations, no doubts. But there is an unyielding weight. I am deeply burdened for these kids. What kids? I have no idea. I see their faces in my mind. I picture them all the time. Their smiles. Their tears. I want to reach out to them. Tell them about Jesus and his love for them. I want to hug them and let them know that even though the world around them thinks they'll never have a chance, God will always believe in them and they can do anything through Him. It's not time yet. I get that. But the more deeply I understand what it is that God wants from me, the more deeply I am burdened with this need to bring Jesus to them. I want them to see themselves through His eyes. To know they ARE loved. To know the ARE worth something. To know they ARE deeply cared for. To know they ARE precious. And yes, to know they ARE princes and princesses. These kids get to me. Straight to my heart. When I meet them face to face... wow. What a day of praise that will be. Until then I wait. Wait for God. Wait for that still small voice to say, "go". The wait is difficult. The prize though, is worth whatever I have to endure to get there. Who are you? When I meet you I'll know. Until then, I pray that God watches over you and that even now he begins to stir your heart like He is stirring mine.

Anyone else out there being stirred up?

update

Well friend I'm having issues with my camera. :( But I did want to update everyone on my weight loss status. I have not had a soft drink in over two weeks! A few days were really hard to get through, but I haven't given in. And honestly it's so much easier now to just drink water or sprite. And, drumroll please..... I have lost 8 pounds in the last two weeks! Now mind you that's not all from abstaining from soda. I have been walking more and being more active. I've also replaced my snacks with healthier options. I think the main reason this has been fairly easy for me is because God is going along with me. I can't do anything without His strength and I'm overjoyed that He's walking right along with me. :) As soon as I can get my camera to download pics I'll be updating you with pics. For now let's just send some praise upward for the 8 pounds that are no longer weighing me down! And pray with me that more of those little suckers decide to jump ship! :)

confessions from an adict

This post has been in my head for several days. I meant to post it on the first, but honestly... I was a bit embarassed to post this. For years I've been okay with my weight. I've not really cared that I'm "large" in size. (okay, maybe extra large but whatever) But over several weeks God's been impressing health on me. I need to be healthy. And so, to be healthy I need to lose weight. I've tried several times to do so, but everytime I just give in. I guess because I've been happy where I was. I'm not happy where I am right now. I simply feel fat. Please know, this is not an attempt for people to say "oh, you're not fat" or to feel sorry for me. This is simply me stating the truth. Lol, my truth. I guess I'm feeling the weight of my heaviness and I'm ready to be free of it. So where to start right? I know, eat healthy and excersize. I think that's easier said than done. But, this time around I'm adding a monumental tool to the battle. Prayer. I have been praying about how to do this right, how to keep the weight off, how to maintain a healthy balance. God's first answer... give up sodas. Now, if you know me, you know this is difficult for me. I drink soda like I breathe. And there of course lies the problem. And the addiction. I've tried in the past to give up caffiene but the "de-tox" was aweful. I had constant headaches, my body shook, I couldn't focus, I felt like I was a total mess. After two weeks I gave in and vowed to never try that again. This time has been different. God has really freed me from most of the past effects. It's been 5 days since I've had a coke and I'm not feeling shaky and havne't gotten headaches. I did have a really rough third day, the cravings were relentless. But I didn't give in, and days 4 and 5 have been amazing. I'm praising God for the power I feel over this caffiene addiction. I feel like I can actually do this. Like whatever God gives me during this trial, I can manage. The hardest thing for me to give up in order to lose weight in my mind, was coke. Through prayer and submission, God has granted me a peaceful break from caffiene. This journey is going to be a difficult ride for me. But I'm so encouraged and empowered knowing that God will be there with me holding my hand and strengthening my resolve. And my addictions? Gone. With God's help, nothing will stand in my way! If you'd like to come on this journey with me, (this is where it gets scary!) I'll be posting about this every Monday. And... it will include scale photos. Yes, oh yes. I truly believe that accountability goes a long way when struggling to overcome, and so I will be using my blog as my accountability. Knowing you are all reading this each Monday will keep me focused on watching that scale go down, down, DOWN! So come along with me readers. Monday will be the first official post. Join me on the journey, friends!