Wednesday, October 24, 2007

eventually london bridge came down

That's how I feel this week. Trapped. You know when you're kids and you play London Bridge and you trap someone between your arms when the bridge comes down? I used to hate that. I hated feeling trapped. I always wanted to be the one that snuck by, skated through, just before the bridge came down. Oh how I hated getting stuck. I still can't bring myself to play the game with my boys. I can't stand being stuck. No where to go. Arms pinned. Can't move. It still gets to me. But right now, I'm stuck. The bridge fell on me, and I can't move. I have something weighing heavy on me. So heavy it leaves me tired and dragging each day. I feel it when I wake, when I sleep (IF I sleep)... I feel it all the time. I know satan is upon me. Attacking my every step. Coming down on my so hard at times it's hard to breath. I spent a good 20 minutes bawling in the car the other morning because I just didn't know what else to do. Why am I sharing this? I have no idea. Probably not a wise choice. I just feel a huge urge to reach out. I need some prayer. I mean, serious prayer. Knees to the floor kind of prayer. I know I'm not one to tell you how to pray. I just know when I have a sister who's down like this, my knees hit the floor. So that's what I'm asking for. Deep prayer to pull me out of this state that I'm in. I can't stand feeling the way I feel. I just wanna break out of the arms that are pinning me down. No amount of struggling works. These arms are sealed tight. I keep begging God to make it easier. Make my choice easier Lord! But I know this is something He doesn't want to be easy. It's hard on purpose. And I think I dislike that even more. Why do I have to go through this? I feel like I might burst. I want out. I want out from under this pressure. Free from this weight. Break me free Daddy! Get me out. I know I can't take much more. But I also know I'm not done until you say. Give me strength Lord. Strength to get to my feet and fight. To get away from what's trapping me. I know Your will is perfect. Give me strength to understand that. Give me peace when I rest. Quiet my mind and calm my nerves. Let me rest Father, and wake up ready to fight. I love you Lord. Whatever You have for me, I will do it for You.

4 comments:

Amy said...

praying for you. it really is spiritual warfare. we live so much of our lives just in the physical, we forget how much we could live in the spiritual. oh, love the spider cakes!! did you buy one at least?

Bev Brandon said...

you have such a humility to bear your heart even on a blog...just love your heart for Him...and, yes, it would be my privilege to pray for you jen on your journey...and i think of psalm 27:13 that you would have despaired unless you had believed that you will see the goodness of your Lord in this and i believe with you that you will...i see faith in you and arms reaching to the Only One who can do something about this...may you know His Presence and His Power even this weekend as you worship Him which you love to do with your dependence, your faith, your humility, your love! praying for you sweet girl! love, bev

Bev Brandon said...

prayed for you today that you would feel as it says in deut 33 His everlasting arms under you, Jen, for He rides the heavens to help you...i was so impressed with that chapter for you this morning as i prayed for you...love your faith and arms outstretched to Him...just had to comment again!

darla said...

i had a week just like that..and I can assure you that you are on others hearts and they are lifting you in prayer..I am doing the same. Love you Princess!